photo via kjdm
I don’t have anything against pink, really. Or against hair accessories. Or even against pink hair accessories. What I do have a problem with is spending $30 dollars on something that’s been pulled out of a peacock’s ass and glued to a barrette.
photo by foundphotoslj
Christmas recitals were far from the most fashionable part of my educational career. Believe you me, I know how hard it is to look sophisticated and edgy while singing Silent Night or — worse! — that song about missing front teeth where you have to whistle during the chorus. Which is why I am totally confused by whoever decided to make “awkward highschool moment #357″ the theme for their wedding.
Yes, sweet readers, these are bridesmaids. Furthermore, do the dresses really only have one sleeve, or are the ladies to the right the “fun” ones? More eggnog, please.
photo via offthereack.peoplestylewatch.com
If I saw this walking down the aisle at a wedding, my first thought would be “Who shot the sofa and what did it ever do to you?” followed by “There’s a bride who hates her friends.” My third thought would be “Holy !@@%, is that dress SATIN?” Only the truly insecure would do this to somebody they supposedly care about. Friends do not let friends wear sherbet hued floral prints with dyed-to-match orange shoes. And satin is the Devil’s own fabric; worn by many, pulled off by few.
The big lie of the bridesmaid’s dress is always told and always told with a straight face. The bride will have picked out several monstrosities, which will then be narrowed down to one or two dresses that would look better on fire than on a human being. When it comes down to the final decision making time, the bride will look you dead in the face and say, “It’s great, and you can wear it again.” The bridesmaid, not wanting to cause trouble, agrees to a hideous dress that no consignment shop in town would take. And she’s out upwards of two hundred dollars. Ugly can get expensive.
I don’t which would make me more upset, being stuck with that dress or those shoes. I think it’s gotta be the shoes. What on Earth do you do with orange satin shoes? Somebody please tell me.
