Go Back And Change!

photo via gohsuket

In fact, nothing goes with khaki shorts. If you’re not working in a deli and making me a tuna on wheat with yellow peppers, put those things back in your closet and put on shorts made out of a real fabric. Actually, maybe you should put on some pants so that you don’t need to wear longjohns under them. That’s right, I’m saying it — the only difference between leggings and frickin’ longjohns is that the sensible people who wear longjohns have the sense to not match them with Uggs*. Also, is that the unabomber on your shirt?

*Which these are not, by some miracle.

photo via grapefruitmoon

I am not a hippie hater. Some hippies live next door to me, and they have a black cat that always hangs out on my doorstep right before I get an overdraft — that’s some helpful shit, so don’t think I’m trying to badmouth the whole fashion aesthetic. It’s just these arm warmers. They look like toxic waste. Creepy, sparkly toxic waste. This is the kind of toxic waste that turns you into a Ninja Turtle if you’re not careful. And not a cool one like Donatello — this is the kind of toxic waste that turns you into a Ninja Turtle with a puce bandana and a broken bottle of 2 buck Chuck for a weapon. Ugh.

photo via hangdog

Yeah. If putting tights on your arms doesn’t make you feel like enough of a jackass, why not cover the tights with prints of celtic knotwork or ugly flash art? Thanks, 2009.

photo via smittenkittenoriginals

Uh. The title of the picture has “Maddox” in it, which reminds me of Maddox‘ post about how cowl necks make your head look like it’s coming out of a giant vajayjay, but it’s also tagged with “metro” and “posh,” so the irony may be lost on the knitter. Crocheter? Whatevs. Knowing how to put yarn on a needle doesn’t make you a fashion designer. Let it go.

photo via jeremysabol

You’ve found me out: lamé is kind of my favourite thing to hate on.

But this gentleman couldn’t settle for just one fashion fuck-up. He’s paired his lamé shirt — which probably cost upwards of $40 at a local “vintage” store — with pink pants, a friend with a leopard-print jumpsuit (?), and a case of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. A really close look at the original photo also reveals some sort of inverse Hitler moustache. Yikes.

photo via notiviajes

I was skeptical when I first heard about “Japanese bikini jeans.” It seemed kind of like the one time everyone was totally convinced that Japanese women wore their underwear over their pants until some guy, probably tired of googling “Japanese panties” and getting lies and fraud instead of nubile schoolgirls, proved the images to be photoshopped. It’s like you can take the weirdest shit possible, put the word “Japanese” in front of it, and people are convinced that you are legit.

Entrepreneurs should feel free to pitch their “Japanese” product idea in the comments.

photo via Fire Monkey Fish

Looks like the lady with the less fortunate bottom doesn’t know her colours very well.

photo via insaneninja

Really? You’re going to put your child in an Insane Clown Posse shirt? I mean, really? I’m repulsed, but at the same time … isn’t telling a juggalo to go back and change even more of a low blow than criticizing someone’s Halloween outfit?

photo via wtfxboo

This reminds me of one of those tiny dogs that barks to overcompensate. I can kind of imagine him (her?) tied up in a yard in some parallel universe, scaring the crap out of passing strangers. Until they take a peek through the fence.

photo via davezilla

I’ll have a tall americano with room, please. And some curds. And maybe some whey. Some whey, wheeeeeey too migraine-inducing to be in public. Holy crap. Did they have a sale on crazy at Joann’s Fabrics or something?