Go Back And Change!

photo via gohsuket

In fact, nothing goes with khaki shorts. If you’re not working in a deli and making me a tuna on wheat with yellow peppers, put those things back in your closet and put on shorts made out of a real fabric. Actually, maybe you should put on some pants so that you don’t need to wear longjohns under them. That’s right, I’m saying it — the only difference between leggings and frickin’ longjohns is that the sensible people who wear longjohns have the sense to not match them with Uggs*. Also, is that the unabomber on your shirt?

*Which these are not, by some miracle.

photo via NotLiz

You’re no Karen O, honey. Put those balloons away.

photo via TM

This is:

1. an accessory for a Poison Ivy costume
2. a new brand of organic tampon you can buy at Whole Foods
3. a clothing item worn around the neck for warmth
4. 1&2
5. none of the above. it’s clearly a _____________

Submit your answers below.

photo via Joe Shlabotnik

I wanted to be a cat for Halloween once, so I found my pile of leopard-print clothes back from when I thought the Manic Street Preachers were the best thing to come out of Wales. I put on a black dress, leopard-print tights, a leopard-print headband, and a leopard-print faux fur coat. Then I went outside. I passed a window on the way to the bus stop and realized that my reflection did not look like a cat. My reflection looked like a street hooker fully intent on giving an Axl Rose look-a-like a blowjob.

I went back and changed. This girl didn’t. If anybody sees Axl, tell him she’s waiting by the punch bowl.

photo by foundphotoslj

Christmas recitals were far from the most fashionable part of my educational career. Believe you me, I know how hard it is to look sophisticated and edgy while singing Silent Night or — worse! — that song about missing front teeth where you have to whistle during the chorus. Which is why I am totally confused by whoever decided to make “awkward highschool moment #357″ the theme for their wedding.

Yes, sweet readers, these are bridesmaids. Furthermore, do the dresses really only have one sleeve, or are the ladies to the right the “fun” ones? More eggnog, please.

photo via solidariat

I guess it’s hard to go back and change when the offending item is your skin. Unless you’re Robbie Williams or something.

photo via malingering

Honey, I don’t know what to wear for my speed-walk today. I’m thinking Anne of Green Gables meets British High Tea at Flannery O’Connor’s house, but I still want to keep it casual. Oh, I know. I’ll wear sneakers with my stockings — taking the outfit back, and then bringing it forward into 2009, you see?

Oh, what am I saying… I actually think this is pretty fabulous. Well played, Madam. But are you carrying a book or a pistol? And what has your lackey got in that bag?

photo via Dlisted

I know, not an everyday fashion nightmare. But it’s Angelina Jolie, ferchrissakes, looking like one of us…. almost.

Everyone else seems to be calling this Versace dress a win for Angelina. Sure, if by “win” you mean “takes an incredibly gorgeous woman and makes her look boxy and frumpy.”

All that money and stylists and the end result is BORING. I hope she fired everyone involved with this mess. Up to and including Brad if he was all “you look FINE. Can we go now?”

photo via Dlisted

You know, I wanted to let this horror speak for itself, but I was afraid that if I did, it would start swearing like Courtney Love on a meth bender and then run around the room and f*ck up the furniture. It’s that bad.

I wonder if anyone told her to her face how ridiculous she looks. I’m going to guess no, because any girl ballsy enough to wear that outside of a strip club probably has a razor somewhere on her person. Nobody wants to get cut over some trashy garter jeans!

Looking at this “outfit” makes me feel like I need a hot shower and a hug. I will admit that a tiny part of me wishes I had the front view, because five bucks says her eyebrows are drawn on, and her lipstick is frosted pink ringed with dark lipliner. You know I’m right.

photo via fashionaddict

Sometimes you can’t get dressed without help, and that’s the truth. I hope this lady had a good friend with her to ask her “Maybe something else?” when she put this on. Because this look is unflattering in the extreme. We all have a few good features to play up, even if we think we’re just a huge mess of flaws.

Girlfriend, you have a waist, define it! That dress looks like something the cat coughed up. Is it supposed to be wrinkled? Tell me you just pulled that out of the hamper and are joking. Please. And that color does nothing for anyone. That shade could make the dead look even more dead.

Shoes don’t have to be killer stilettos to look good. I understand WHY people wear Birkenstocks. They’re supposed to be comfortable. I just don’t know HOW. If (HUGE if) I had a pair, I’m not sure I’d leave the house with them on. The shoes are a joke too, right?

Please tell me you were talked out of this. Please.

Remember: Birkenstocks are bad. Unflattering wrinkly dresses are worse. Having a good friend to tell you to “go back and change” is priceless.