Go Back And Change!

photo via fudgeit

Continuing yesterday’s rear-ended tragedy is this beautiful shot from Leeds. Lady, I know you’re just going to take a train, and sometimes I dress down for such occasions as well, but can’t we uphold at least some trace of basic decorum?

I’m actually not sure what exactly she’s wearing. At first I thought her shirt might be intentionally tangled with her bra, which I myself do sometimes (though in the front) when dancing to Whitney Houston in front of the mirror. Upon closer inspection, though, it appears that there is some sort of DIY thing going on… So I’m making this post as a reminder that, yknow, there are people out there who make clothes professionally. You don’t have to cut up your own shirts. Isn’t that a relief?

photo via headovmetal

There’s a lot going on here, for so little fabric. At least she’s wearing a seatbelt.

photo via kjdm

I don’t have anything against pink, really. Or against hair accessories. Or even against pink hair accessories. What I do have a problem with is spending $30 dollars on something that’s been pulled out of a peacock’s ass and glued to a barrette.

photo via VP

Faithful readers, I have a question for you:

Criticizing a costume - yay or nay?

photo via charchen

Alright, ladies. I know some of you might argue with me on this one, but dogs aren’t cute. The ones that are ALIVE aren’t cute. The ones that are pink and flabby and holding your cigarettes — these are terrifying. Put that thing away.

photo via hyperbolation

It’s rabbit FEET, honey. Rabbit FEET are good luck. Rabbit TAILS just make you look like you got in a catfight with a yeti.

Wait… is THAT where the middle of her outfit went?

photo via cherylholloway

Let’s ignore the pink-haired woman with the army of muppet fetuses crawling up her legs and move our focus a pinch to the left. No — ignore Raiden. Let’s talk about the balding gentleman in maroon and blue (the colours of his alma mater back on Planet Granola?).

That hairstyle is seriously not optimal.

Wow. Just wow.

photo via ruthlessjack

I’m no spring chicken, you know. I was around in 2002. I remember the whole “reconstruction” thing that happened on eBay and LiveJournal, where scandalously young seamstresses would fashion x-large Metallica shirts into something Courtney Love might have worn in her kinderwhore phase, had she liked Metallica. I may have even owned one or two. I understand. It was nice for a lady to finally be able to voice her appreciation for Marilyn Manson without drowning in fabric. I get it.

I can even understand wearing shorts are 4 inches too low to be classified as low-waisted shorts, and wearing black socks with white shoes, and hanging out in a place decorated with weirdly flirty Arabian Nights paintings. What I cannot understand, young lady, is why you would wear something that makes it appear as if you have no bottom.

I hope you’re ashamed of yourself.

I fully understand that maintaining one’s eyebrows is a chore. Some of us wax, some pluck, but one thing we should never do is this:

photo via myspace

This is scary. This is called “I spit on your plucking and waxing. I’m going to shave them off and draw them back on. With a Sharpie.”

To me, it seems more of a hassle than anything else. I’m thinking you have to pull this off before your morning coffee, because the jitters could really mess up your line.

Here we have a cornucopia of awful:

photo via mylittleapartment

Let’s see… we’ve got the drawn eyebrows (a truly spectacular specimen), frosted blue eyeshadow, and the one thing that can outstrip Sharpie Brows in terms of sheer hypnotizing power: light lipstick with dark liner. I once had a design professor who did that with the lipstick, and I swear I never heard what was coming out of her mouth–I was too busy staring at the paintjob. No, I did not pass that class.

Instead of busting out the razor and performing mayhem via marker (burning question: how DOES that come off?), here’s a handy reference for DIY plucking. You’re welcome.